It is the World’s Top Selling Spirit
Don’t get it confused just because you think Fireball is awesome all of the sudden. Vodka still has the spirits game locked down!
Make Poison Ivy your Bitch!
Summer is coming up and chances are you will at some point find yourself frolicking through the forest. That is where poison ivy lives and you will get it. Don’t worry, luckily for you, your bottle of vodka can help immediately alleviate the sting from that asshole of a plant.
Also, make Jelly Fish your Bitch!
If your summer adventures do not take you deep into the forest but rather the ocean, jelly fish live there and will sting you. Tell your friend to put their penis back in their pants, no need to pee on you. Vodka also helps with jelly fish stings.
How much is Febreeze? Too much, make your own using a mixture of vodka and water. The vodka will kill the odor causing bacteria like a boss.
Makes Windows Invisible….
How much does a bottle of Windex cost? Who cares, get your windows drunk on a streak-free shine! Also, if your windows smell, the last fact will also help to make them not smell anymore.
Poland loves Vodka
Who is the originator? Both Poland and Russia claim to be and to one up Russia, Poland made Vodka their national drink. Your move Russia….
Vodka means Little Water
The word vodka comes from the Russian word Zhiznennia Voda, which means Water of Life. The literal translation is little water. Our translation, Awesome Water.
Multiple Distillation, bitch!
Ever hear a vodka bragging about their distillation process? Ours is distilled 14x through volcanic space rocks… In the early days when Russia and Poland were waging a hipster-like war to see who was cooler, vodka was only distilled once. Later, vodka makers caught on to the benefits of multiple distillations for higher alcohol content and greater quality.
Why is it cool? Because of a Mule…
Vodka wasn’t always as cool as it is today and it took a kick from a certain mule from Moscow. In the 1950s, a business-savvy food and spirits distributor introduced the Moscow Mule (made with vodka, lime juice, and ginger beer) and kicked off a vodka craze.
And then someone made it even cooler
It wasn’t until the 1960s that vodka got a second boost from a man named Bond, James Bond. Agent 007’s “vodka martini, shaken not stirred” catapulted this now-classic cocktail into instant stardom. That can only mean that drinking vodka will give you the illusion of becoming a desirable secret agent.
Ever try Wine in a Can? It gets messy….
For the ladies out there, sometimes a vodka cocktail could be too much and a glass of red wine mixes well with your late night gossip talks and Sex & the City marathons. After a few glasses, you spill some on your shirt and then boom, vodka saves the day! Spray vodka on stain, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
Bet you didn’t realize that a shot of vodka can help your hair. Just add the shot of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
Stuck shaving with a razor that resemble a rusty sword found in a sunken pirate ship? That can all change with the help of vodka. (And Dollar Shave Club) You can prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting. Now, get back to having smooth skin!
Most people think that vodka can make you sick, but that is just a hangover from too much of it. If you are actually sick, use vodka to relieve a fever. Use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. And if that doesn’t work, you may have a bigger problem so just starting drinking it.
Vodka can be used to kill bees. Bet Nic Cage would love some vodka right about now….
The most expensive vodka cost $1,060,00.00. It comes from the lands of Scotland. The Diva Vodka is the world’s most expensive vodka which almost looks like a perfume bottle. Every bottle of the Diva vodka contains precious and semi-precious stones, including diamonds. The vodka is triple distilled and then passed through a sand of crushed diamonds and other gems. It is then consumed by snobby assholes.
To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive. Do not injure yourself to test this fact.
Some people believe that drinking 3 ounces of vodka a day cleanses the impurities and toxins in your body. We believe that too. Drink Clique Vodka everyone.
By: Pat Hanavan