Making out is one of my favorite things ever, if you hadn’t noticed from my post on the best songs to make out to. However, when you make out with someone for the first time, it is easy to make some mistakes. Take the awkward kiss that happened on The Bachelor last week for example:
Mistakes like that could cost you a future make out session with that person. Once again, I am here to rescue you from such a fate. The following 5 situations have actually occurred to either myself, my close friends, or both! Please take my advice and whatever you do during a Make out session; do NOT:
1. Ask Permission
Either have the balls like drunk Caitlin on Teen Wolf to make a move or don’t even try. I had a guy friend that – I thought- knew I just went on a date with a our mutual friend. I also thought this guy knew that I was sad about said friend leaving the state. So friendzone guy and I go to a movie. Pay dutch. And when he drops me off, he asks if he can kiss me. Um. NO. You can’t creep on in and grab me on the rebound like that. I literally said “No… you know I just went out with X like TWO DAYS AGO.” Awkward all around. Guys, if you have to ask permission you shouldn’t be doing it. I think it would be way less harsh to go for the lip lock and get a cheek versus a vocal “No” or a reluctant “I Guess” or even worse, an “Yeah, whatever.”
2. Guy On Top In A Vehicle
This is advice specifically for men. Things are getting hot and heavy (hooray!) so you (the man) want to take it to the next level. Why oh why would you think your body would fit into a backwards L shape, or that you should straddle a chick in the front seat? I can’t. Literally, I can’t even because this is just physically impossible and awkward. If she won’t get on top of you either end the session or move to a more comfortable local like a couch/bed/floor/pooltable.
3. Be An Interrupting Goat
Things are going so smoothly with this make out sesh that some clothes are off. I’ll get specific and say that the female’s top is most definitely gone by the wayside. What could go wrong? Not one, but TWO, guys I know of have taken this exact moment to break the bad news, that they just can’t continue the relationship with the female in bed with them at the moment. WHAT! Re-read that if necessary. Those are two true stories. One said that at the end of the summer there was a girl back at school he wanted to see how things went with so this was “just casual til then KAY?” The other seized the opportunity to break off a relationship right then, because he has never looked so physically good; and he didn’t trust himself to be faithful. I AM NOT JOKING. You guys. Please help me understand what was going on in either of their minds? The make out scenarios had been INITIATED by the male aka “Interrupting goat.” These were not first-time-with-this-person kissing sessions. WTF.
4. Push It
Specifically the face of the person you are kissing. Do not ever shove someone’s face into your lower regions. REALLY? REALLY? You should all know this is proper etiquette.
You can’t kiss if your mouth is open laughing. And if you have moved beyond kissing to doing OTHER THINGS with your mouth, no one should be laughing. What is funny? Am I tickling you? NO? THEN WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING. This is a good way to kill the mood and be left hanging, or the opposite of hanging? Not sure the terminology there, just don’t giggle during your first kissing session.
Follow these rules and you could be well on your way to Round 2 with the same person! Have any horror stories about making out for the first time? Let us know in the comments below!