Easter isn’t that far off, so how about a post on peeps? Unfortunately, not the cute kind though. If I could live my life without hearing about dick pics, I would be a happier person. However, people insist upon sending out pictures of their peep to the masses and I have to hear about it. So, I’ve spent some time thinking about reasons why on earth you guys feel the need to send dick pics.
1. You have an Award Winning Sausage
If, by chance (and the chances are very small), you have an impressive package it would make sense to have a photographic record. That’s how Guinness does it right? So definitely take a picture to keep for posterity. With such evidence you can then “put up” instead of “shut up” if ever challenged on the spot as to how you fill out your man panties. I recommend taking a picture once a year or so, because one day when gravity takes its toll, you can show all the ladies in the nursing home how you used to defy gravity.
2. Tit for Tat
It’s only fair that if you send a dick pic to a girl, she has to send you a picture of something naked right? NOT RIGHT AT ALL. I’m sure some girls do it, but you guys need to know that DICKS AREN’T THAT ATTRACTIVE. You want a girl to send you pictures of her wonderful round hairless boobs that defy gravity and in return she gets a picture of something wrinkly and the skin tone doesn’t even match the rest of your body and there could be hair and why does it look like it has a helmet on???? This is not a fair trade at all. I’m not even going into the trade value of the lower region of a girl either. Not equivalent.
3. You’re in a Relationship
I can only assume that some guys just like their significant other to know what’s waiting at home for them. Now, it doesn’t really make sense since the wifey or GF would already know what was in store for their arrival. Please see how we feel about what it looks like in the first place above in #2 before proceeding.
4. You are a Celebrity
Maybe your career is in a stall right now. Leak a selfie of your D. I mean, I’ve seen a total of 4 dick pics in my life and two of those were from celebrities so, the odds are good that your name will be trending on Twitter if you send one of these out.
5. You are Uncreative at Snapchat
Snapping a new girl? Maybe she sent you something a little naughty and you want to take it to the next level? If I were a guy, I wouldn’t know what to do to be sexy really so I feel your pain here. A dick pic would be really easy to send back but if you work out at all, can I please just suggest an ab pic? Muscles on a guy’s stomach are infinitely more of a turn on that seeing the whole package unexpectedly.
6. You’re Gay
No really. I have been privilege to my gay friends requesting these kinds of pictures from their gay friends in public and ON TWITTER. I am not judging or saying all gay men do this. I am simply hypothesizing that if guys love the way their own peep looks enough to take pics of it, then if they love guys and other guys’ peeps they would want to exchange and would appreciate the exchange of dick pics. If I am wrong PLEASE TELL ME. This is how I learn.
In conclusion, I would like to mention that I never said these were GOOD REASONS to send dick pics. You should know that girls are probably as bad as guys with these types of pictures, and the next time you are in a room with the girl you sent a dick pic to, all of her friends in the room have probably seen it too. Penis pics, no thanks. Ab pictures though… SEND THEM ALL.