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Archer Season 5: Welcome To ISIS… and the DANGER ZONE!!!

Whether you’re new to the Archer scene or you’re a returning, obsessed, completely addicted veteran like myself, congratulations… you’ve either done yourself a giant favor and have some catch-up to do, or survived your severe Archer withdrawal since the end of Season 4.

Season 5 is right around the corner, Monday, January 13 @ 10:00 PM on FX. Write it down, or don’t and just commit it to memory because Archer says you should never leave a paper trail. To get the “newbs” up to speed; Sterling Malory Archer, code name: “Duchess”, is the world’s most dangerous spy, who works for ISIS, run by his mother- Malory Archer, to whom he has the most awkward child-parent relationship, he’s Krav Maga-knowing, all bullets in the 10 ring-shooting, random erection having, “Lying is like… 95% of what I do”, carries a gun in his underwear, makes his butler eat spiderwebs, and is surrounded by a hilarious cast of support characters in the office who are all Eskimo brothers and sisters by now because they can’t stop having sex with each other. Now that you’re all caught up to speed, Season 5 is going to be a giant departure from the Archer we’ve seen in seasons 1-4 and this visual is the only detail I’ll personally be giving on that.

archer-season-5-exclusive-previewIf you REALLY can’t wait and need to have some spoilers to get you through the weekend, here’s part 1 and part 2 of a very indepth interview with the Producer of Archer, Matt Thompson. Usually people would say SPOILER ALERT before actually posting the portals to said spoilers, but that’s just not the Archer way. You’ve been warned and also, you’re welcome.

In leading up to season 5, we have all been adopted as new cadets-in-training to be international secret spies or maybe just pee-on, office drones. As such, we must all go through the new employee process and complete our HR rules and regulations training. ISIS isn’t you’re typical office environment so be sure to pay attention to your new employee handbook. Go soak your chair in Scotchguard, take off your pants, pour a stiff drink, keep the bottle close by, and listen up!

Chapter 1: Conflict Resolution

Chapter 2: Gun Safety

Chapter 3: Ninjas

Chapter 4: Office Supplies

Chapter 5: Drug Policy

Chapter 6: Who Is That Lady?

Congratulations, you have officially completed your requirements as a new ISIS employee. Now that you’ve you know the pinnacle of professionalism that your new workplace embodies, it should come as no surprise that now I’m just going to post random videos of Archer because I want to, and or don’t care what you think. You pick. Duh and or, hello!!!

ARCHER SEASON 5 MONDAY AND ENJOY!!!

Sterling Archer’s Best One-Liners (Extended Version)

DANGER ZONE!!! (Top Gun parody)

Archersaurus selfextinction

If you don’t fanboy out with me down in the comments, I’m going to make you eat so many spider webs.

And definitely come hang with me on facebook and twitter.

-By: Eli Rebich

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