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What Girls Think of 10 Guys Haircuts depicted on Johnny Depp

We are deep in the midst of cuffing season! That’s where guys and girls try to find someone to snuggle with indoors just until spring hits and they can venture out to bars again. For those of you guys still on the prowl, Johnny Depp and I are going to help you make sure your hairstyle sends the right message. Being that guys don’t really show that much skin year round anyway, girls have to judge your initial appearance efforts based on clothing and hairstyle. So, I present to what girls really think when they see your hair for the first time (I’m the female here at Faded Industry FYI):

1. Buzz Cut

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Boring. Just kidding. When girls see a guy with a buzz cut (especially one you might do yourself at home) we assume you don’t have time to worry about what is going on up there. This leads us to pay more attention to what you’re wearing, maybe even what you are saying! I see what you did there. Also, don’t confuse this with a military cut which is always a turn on.

2. Slicked Back

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You probably have pointy shoes on. Very expensive, pointy, leather shoes that cost more than my shoes. I would make an awkward move to check under the table or bar at this point. If I did blow, I would probably assume you have some. The Slicked Back hair is not to be confused with:

3. Pompadour

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You like Rockabilly music, have tattoos, and smoke. We ladies are crossing our fingers you have a job that isn’t just “Is in a band” but we’ll make out with you anyway.

4. The Jax

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Sorry SOA fans, this style was done by Johnny first. Long and slicked back. Just going to assume it’s greasy due to how much you have to touch it to push behind your ears. Most girls have had this length of hair; it’s annoying and falls in your face when you look down.  Do you play hockey?

5. Highlights

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I am picturing you sitting in a chair at a salon with foils all over your head. Not a sexy image.

6. Ponytail

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You are an artist of sorts. You appreciate the finer aspects of a woman’s body. We will see where things go with you. *WARNING* If a guy with a ponytail won’t let a girl touch his hair at all he shouldn’t be trusted.

7. Duck Butt

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Contrary to the name I called this hair cut, the short hair with front flip is awesome. Girls assume you are young, and have manners. You clean up nice, let’s hang out.

8. Octopus Hat

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Ok I CAN’T deal with these hats. I would like to tell you what girls think about guys with generally long hair; but these hats distract me. They look like you have an octopus on your head. How is this hat even staying on? However, girls seem to like this skater/surfer look and your chill vibe. Keep it up, I suppose.

9. Wet Look

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Personal favorite especially without too much gel. Looks like you just got out of the shower. Were you just in the shower? Now I’m thinking of you shirtless in the shower.  Walking into a room and having the females picture you naked is a good thing.

10. Paul Walker

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What a twist! #10 isn’t Johnny Depp because no one demonstrates Paul Walker’s curls better than Paul Walker. My favorite part about this hairstyle is the two little pieces over his ears. The pieces that stick out over your ears when you wear a hat, and then you know it’s time for a cut? Yeah those are my favorite. I want to touch them. News of his death was not only devastating because of the amazing person he was but because my dreams of touching his hair were crushed forever. Curly hair without a lot of product is super touchable in general. Girls want to grab your head and feel it between their fingers when they kiss you. And that’s what SHE said.

Disagree? Comment below!

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