Get X-cited! I compiled a list of Xmas gift ideas for grown-ups that you and your loved ones will enjoy giving and receiving for the holidays this year. I recently moved into an apartment all on my own for the first time in my life and let me just tell you I have been buying adults the wrong gifts for years. Now, I truly know what a grown-up desires. Since Christmas is only ONE WEEK away, let me just tell you what to put on your Christmas Shopping List:
Number one on this list was going to be “A Swiffer.” For those of my Facebook friends that are yet again being subject to my complaint about Swiffer needing batteries, I apologize, but to the rest of the internet folk: SWIFFERS TAKE BATTERIES. At least, the ones with the wet jet or whatever do. What, like two batteries? NO. Four. Four batteries. Is that like a whole pack? I don’t know. So, number one adult gift is Batteries and RadioShack has them in 40 packs and yes they will all be used in my “Swiffer.” Hashtag wink wink.
I didn’t ever really get headaches til I had my own place and needed to Swiffer and had no batteries. Thus, when I moved in, my medicine cabinet was pretty much empty besides floss. Have you ever read the book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?” If so, that’s the best example of what happens if you have any friends over to your place as an adult. Well, at least my friend Jess. First, you feed them. Then they ask for a drink. Then they get a headache and need aspirin. Which is where the story stops since I have no pain relievers. I guess I’m a bad host but have you seen how much Advil costs? Not a ton, but you need a good stock of varieties and that can add up. For Xmas this year, I am asking for Ibuprofen, Aleve, Aspirin, etc. That’s like a $5 gift that keeps on giving!
Again, this crap costs like $5 each and you need one for every substance apparently. Magic erasers, Scrubbing Bubbles, Windex, Pine-Sol, Febreze, YES PLEASE. Name brand only, because I can buy the dollar store varieties myself. My Amazon wish list includes things like “Pink toilet bowl scrubber.”
Because if you always have a new t-shirt to wear, then you don’t have to do laundry and that is why I didn’t need to include detergent on the previous adult xmas gift item. I prefer the shirts over at CrazyDog T-shirts because of the vast selection of dinosaur related apparel; but you have to hurry since the holiday deadline for shipping is just about TOMORROW or Saturday. You can buy me any of those but especially this one:
Ladies size medium plz.
Do you see how happy that Asian is in the photo? That is how happy I would be if you get me a light bulb for Christmas. Why? Because you can’t even buy those kind of light bulbs anymore in the USA. We have to buy the swirly ones that save the environment which is FINE but then I bought a lamp from Target that requires FIVE light bulbs and guess how many were included. Zero. Oh hell no, I decided I don’t need to see things in my living room anyway. So, if want to play a board game at my house I suggest a play date of high noon.
Ain’t nobody got time time to buy groceries AND cook them. I don’t even know what is in my cupboard. I just buy food for later and then go out to eat. What is my life about. You can hand-write an IOU to make me dinner, give me Tupperware containers of your holiday dinner leftovers, or restaurant giftcards; I don’t even care just please accept responsibility for one meal in my future because being an adult is HARD and otherwise I will have wine for dinner. Oh, also WINE. Get me wine for Xmas.