Growing up, I never once heard of the Elf on a Shelf. The more I started to hear about him, the more I became confused as to why the hell parents would place this creepy doll around the house to terrify their children. Then I heard the Elf on a Shelf story and was overwhelmed with anger reminiscing about my Elf on a Shelf-less childhood.
If you are not familiar with the Elf on a Shelf story, I will tell you. He is one of Santa’s minions sent from the North Pole to help manage the Naughty or Nice list. A family adopts the elf on the shelf and then gives him a name. The elf watches over the house and each night flies back to the North Pole to report Christmas cheer back to the boss, Santa. The North Pole apparently still relies on magic for travel and communication even though Skype and FedEx now exist. After the return from the North Pole, the elf finds another place in the house to set up shop and the kids wake up and search for him. How F’n cool is that!?
After being enslaved for years and living a life of servitude to Santa, these elves get out on their own and the taste of freedom is sometimes too much. Elves are easily influenced and start exploring freedom. Freedom usually leads their life into a downward spiral full of strippers, hookers, and blow. These are examples of the Elf on the Shelf gone bad and what happens when the elf turns to a life of mischief and self-destruction. Much like most of our early 20’s.
By: Pat Hanavan