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I See London, I see France; I see Fergie’s Underpants

If you are like every other person on my Twitter feed on Sunday, you were watching the Grammys (or the GRAMMIES as a lot of people thought was the way to spell them). I did not watch, but on my Twitter feed I was able to see the outfit worn by Fergie to the event and holy geez! Imma be, Imma be, Imma Imma Imma be… in shock over that awful combination of Halloween colors and GRANNY-panties for the next week!

Yes, Fergie has an amazing body. Yes, I don’t mind seeing her in underwear. But seriously, this dress just reminds of me of crap that Cher and Madonna used to wear. I won’t post pictures of those train wrecks but even Jesse J and Lady Gaga have attempted the Lace Doily-Over-a-Nonbikini look!

I just don’t get it.  On the beach, fine.  It’s sexy and you are still keeping cool. Out in public- ick. Put some clothes on… some OTHER clothes! If you know me, you know I am all for showing skin. Just not under a weird lampshade or curtain fabric. Where is the mystery? Where is the allure? Are Jessie J and Fergie wearing thongs under those Granny-panties? What is the protocol for what to wear under your underwear?

I had to blog about this faux pas especially, because over and over again in photoshoots and at promos I see Promotional Models with exposed bras and I live in fear that one day they will show up in an outfit like Fergie‘s. The least offensive are the tiny straps showing on the sides of tanktops. Those don’t bug me too much even though they make halter bras, hooks for your normal bra straps, and bras that can be worn A MILLION WAYS. There is no real excuse to have your straps showing but the only crime here is laziness. If you are in a rush or headed to the gym or your multi-way bra was in the laundry: I forgive you!

Second worst are those with patterned bras under see-through tees. Yes, your Victoria’s Secret Pink zebra-print bra is a-dorrrrrr-able. No, I do not want to see it through your yellow tee. If by now, you are realizing that you have been in violation of these offenses, and getting angry at me for not cutting you any slack; have no fear! I can relate. Just this Sunday I was selling raffle tickets for a friend at a gun show. She told me I had to wear a black tee that she bought for all the girls. So what do I do? Figure that it doesn’t matter what color bra I wear, and wear a white one.  OH MY was that black tee shirt sheer and you could definitely tell what I had on underneath! TIP:  you should always wear a flesh colored bra if you are worried about it being seen through something.

 Finally, on to my biggest pet peeve seen on bra-wearing Promotional Models: straight out bra cups hanging out of the front of tops and dresses. I know, you might have small boobs and want the extra push up a bigger bra gives, but they do make Bombshell Bras that fit under your clothes and don’t need to explode out of your top. And no matter how sexy your bra is, it should be sexy to the person getting to take off your top, not to the world.  Train-wreck Amy Winehouse (not to speak too ill of the dead) got no respect off the stage because of how she acted and how she dressed. People are going to correlate trashy clothes with trashy behavior. I know that my Promo Models are upstanding citizens and I never want people to see them in an outfit that causes instant judging of an immoral character.

So in conclusion, remember: Be Prepared- Wear the Right Underwear 🙂

 

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