Husband Cheated On For 10 Years Leads to Regrets

We come across these types of articles all the time on the internet. As time goes on, we become disensitized on the individual stories. You think that will never happen to you, you will never stop pursuing your dream, or you think that person must just be an idiot. John, 46-year-old man who wrote the letter below, now has a son, wife, and well paying job. The American dream seems all but carved out for the rest of his life, right? The letter below describes John’s regrets over the years. When John was 20, he had ambition, energy, and excitement, similar to any 20-something-year-old. He was finishing up school, traveled parts of the world, and had the love of his life. Life passed fast for John, who recently found out his wife has been cheating on him for the past 10 years. He drifting far from his son, never pursued his original dreams, and took a safe well paying job he never really liked. No matter your age, I think everyone can find a similarity between John and themselves in some way. If you’re still reading, John’s words below are much more powerful

TIFU my whole life. My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad:

“Hi, I my name’s John. I’ve been lurking for a while, but I’ve finally made an account to post this. I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I’m a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.

Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I realised I missed my father’s funeral FOR NOTHING. I didn’t complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties. If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. I’ll get to how those dreams were crushed soon.

Let’s start with a description of me when I was 20. It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world. I would show the perspective of the ‘bad’ and the ‘twisted’, showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what the do is wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20. I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking around New Zealand and the Phillipines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Phillipines.

Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve made love to my wife.

Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but i can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t even hurt. She says it’s because I’ve changed. I’m not the person I was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can’t say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am I? What happened to me? I didn’t even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realising I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But i stayed loyal. I didn’t explore. I studied everyday.

Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don’t remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now?

My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I haven’t seen him in 15 years. When he died, I told myself it didn’t matter what I didn’t see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn’t matter anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thing. I now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.

If you’re reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions. Don’t stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while your young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me.

Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.
TL:DR I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired.”

John may live on the other side of the world, but the concept of doing what you love is close to home for everyone. That was a 46 year old perspective, so as a 23 year old, I will do my best to take chances, follow what I love, and to never become complacent. Since graduating a little over a year ago, I’m still trying to find my way. Similar to John, I’ve done some backpacking, but I have so much more of the world to see. I have experienced different jobs, but still finding my place. I may not know exactly where I’m going, but I do know life is at my fingertips and 20 years can apparently go by really fast. Mistakes will be made, sacrifices are needed, and change is necessary. The key is to minimize the regrets, so I’m not writing the same letter as John 23 years from now. I may not succeed at everything, but I plan on regretting less.

This isn’t an article to convince everyone to quite their job and fulfill their childhood dream of joining the circus. Unless, you really want to quite your job and join the circus. Jim Carrey, funny man extraordinaire, gave a commencement speech at Marshal University pushing recent graduates to take chances. The safe way isn’t always the right way. If you don’t have time to watch the video below (1 minute), Jim Carrey said, “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance at what you do love.” This blog may get pushed aside like all the others, but remember, no matter the age, there is always still time to do what you love.

Jim Carrey And His Father’s Inspiration


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